I knew from the get-go that I wanted this quilt to have a "rough" quality to it. By that I mean I didn't want it to be precious or perfect, with lots of neat and straight rows of stitching. I wanted the machine work to be a bit crude and crooked. I wanted the hand quilting stitches to be irregular, on the large size and a bit unevenly spaced.
Well, I have followed what I set out to do, but in truth the perfectionist in me, that part that likes everything just so, is really having a hard time. She is being very critical of this piece. (But my true spirit, where the child in me still resides, loves it.)
In the past I have often struggled with this overbearing, critical side of me, and have felt that although it comes in handy in insuring I make good, solidly constructed work, it also at times can be a real hindrance to my artistic self-expression. I feel that the perfectionist side of myself keeps me boxed in by playing on my fears. She knows how to keep me afraid to explore all of the ideas I want to explore. The perfectionist in me censors my creativity. I am really getting fed up with her.
I am fighting everyday to muzzle that perfectionist, appearance driven, part of me. I am pushing myself to keep going with my intial vision. I am begging myself to not get hung up on outside approval, or fear of failure. Ask anyone of my family members and they will tell you, this is a real and daily struggle for me.
So, this may appear to be just another quilt, but for me it's becoming an exercise in letting go, trusting my inner guidance, and following something that has been tugging at my heart strings for sometime.
